Transitory Psychosis

I read with interest an article regarding a Stanford University study on multitasking. (Read it here.) Like most people in my age bracket, I was taught early on to do one thing and complete it before moving on to the next. With the absence of cell phones, the Internet, Facebook, and a lot of other modern information streams that wasn’t too difficult–provided I had the self-discipline to turn off the radio and TV.

Fast forward a few years to the contemporary world. Today we are inundated with non-stop streams of information coming at us from all sides. The old saw about men and television is that men don’t want to know what is on TV, they want to know what else is on TV. In other words, men don’t just sit and watch one thing. They constantly click the remote to other channels (or games) to see if they are missing something that might be better. Of course, I’ve learned that men aren’t the only ones affected by that virus. Women do it too.

The problem is that as information streams multiply, the remote virus seems to spread. We seem to feel an irresistible urge to mentally “change the channel” every so often. We seem to feel a need to know what is going on in the world (Internet), in the lives of our friends (Facebook), and even in the lives of people we haven’t seen in years or wouldn’t pick up the phone to call. In fact, there is even an urge to know what is going on in the lives of people we’ve never even met (Twitter).
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As my 51st birthday approaches, the reality is setting in: I’m not the young guy anymore. (No, I didn’t just buy a mirror.) Of course, I’ve known my chronological age all along, but I’ve just been introduced to my “ministry age.”

I read an article from Leadership Weekly, the weekly e-newsletter from Leadership Journal. The article by Jimmy Long, “Determine Your Ministry Age,” points out that our assumptions about leadership reflect the values of our generation. This is especially true in a multi-generational organization like a church.

The article includes a 25-question quiz that helps the reader determine his “ministry age.” By answering the questions and adding up the numerical value of the answers you come up with a ministry age that places a person in one of three categories: Younger Leaders, Pragmatic Leaders, or Traditional Leaders. The intent is not to rate one type of leader above another but to create an ongoing dialogue among leaders regarding why we lead the way we do, how divergent values affect a leadership team, and what kind of leadership is needed to carry forward the work of the church.

Interestingly, your ministry age may be above or below your chronological age. Mine is 48. To find our yours go here. It’s fun and free.

Today, I can’t escape this sad thought: What have we done to our kids? My wife works at a local high school. Last year they had over 50 pregnant girls in the school. This week, she met a young friend of another student. The friend was very pregnant. My wife asked, “When is your baby due?” “November,” she replied. She’s 14.

It’s not that teen girls didn’t get pregnant in previous generations. But by all accounts, the numbers today are dramatic increases over those of the past. I can’t help asking, what have we (as a culture) done to our kids?

We’ve told them sex is a right that belongs to everyone, no matter the age or marital status. They believe us and they are paying the price in unwanted pregnancies and rampant STDs. It is a price that affects more than the individual. It affects us all.

We’ve told them love is a fleeting emotion that comes and goes with the surge of our hormones. They believe us and search for it in the arms of one, then another, then another, etc.

What has motivated the lies we’ve propagated? In most cases, money. Sex sells. Sales turn a profit. Children suffer, but that’s collateral damage and we aren’t responsible. So while the cash registers ring, the societal price cost goes up.

The sad truth is that we’re only beginning to see the damage. This is a debt we are going to be paying on longer than we can imagine, even if we were to stop the lies tomorrow. But we’re not stopping. We’re just turning up the volume. Maybe that’s good. It drowns out the tears of our children.

I read an article last night from the New York Times about middle school kids “coming out” as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Not surprisingly, several cited in the article are confused about their sexual identity and are experimenting with both homosexual and heterosexual relationships. These are 11 and 12-year-olds, most of whom have not actually engaged in sexual relations of any kind. Yet, they are identifying as gay, lesbian, or bi.

Then, this morning I saw photos and commentary from European fashion shows. No, I’m not interested in fashion in the least. I am interested in how the fashion industry influences our culture’s view of beauty and body image. As I expected, the photos revealed anorexic-looking models serving as walking hangers for the designers’ latest creations. Not only were there no models of average build, there were none that even appeared to be healthy. Put them in a third world country and we’d be sending money and food to them to alleviate the famine.

All this reminds me of how difficult it is to be a young person today. Having thrown the door open to any expression of sexual activity, our society has made an often confusing time of life into a nightmare: Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I bi? How do I know? How do I deal? The reality is that pre-pubescent young people have always experienced the tension of moving from “girls/boys have cooties” to first “romance.” It is normal and natural to feel more comfortable around your same-sex friends while being drawn to more than merely tolerating the opposite sex. The problem is that we have now thrown into the mix a decision that is both unnecessary and unnatural.

At the same time, the barrage of images that define the “perfect” body comes at young people from every direction. The celebrated bodies are always far from the norm or average appearance, setting the standard of “beauty” at a level that is out of reach for all but a genetically privileged few. As a result, some young people are trying ridiculous methods of creating such a body (anorexia, steroids, etc.) or are merely sinking into depression at their inability to measure up.

These are just two issues that make being a pre-teen or teenager more difficult today than it was when I was a kid (and it was no walk in the park even then). It also makes the role of parents even more critical. We must do the hard work of courageously, firmly, and lovingly refusing to allow a corrupted culture to tell our children that wrong is right. That is not accomplished by isolation (although some restrictions on “entertainment” are appropriate), but rather by insulation–providing our kids with a protective coating of parental love, the opportunity for a real relationship with Jesus Christ, and the timeless wisdom of the Word of God. That is, in fact, what we refer to as D6 (Deuteronomy 6) parenting.

Finally, a moment to breathe. Things have been hectic of late, to say the least. In addition to the normal end of quarter busy-ness at work, the push to get everything to printing. I have squeezed in a major kitchen floor replacement at home (I didn’t do the work, but we dealt with the chaos), a 1300 mile driving trip to a funeral, and a 36-hour visit from my son. The floor is done and everything is back where it belongs, the urgent projects have gone to press, and my son left this morning. Now I have a few minutes to blog.

Don’t get me wrong, not all of the recent rush has been bad. I love my work. The funeral was a triumphant send-off for a faithful servant of God and had the side benefit of allowing me to see a number of friends and family members I don’t often get to visit with. The visit from my son was brief, but most enjoyable. I love that guy, even if I still don’t understand much about what he does for a living. Nevertheless, it has all been a bit crazy.

What’s next? Tonight we get ready to leave again. Tomorrow we’re off to Dallas, TX (Frisco, actually) for the D6 Conference–a gathering of over 1500 people who are committed to helping parents pass the baton of faith to their children. It promises to be an exciting few days. If you happen to be there, stop by and see me. I’ll be manning the 411 booth, providing information to conference attendees who have questions about what, where, and when. If you want to know more about the conference, go here.

I’ll try to update this blog from the conference, but I’m looking forward to it. After it’s over, I’ve promised myself a long nap.

I’ll be attending a funeral this weekend. The deceased is a cousin of mine and a long-time pastor. He was, in fact, my pastor for a time when I was in college. You will not find his name among the pastoral “superstars.” He was never invited to speak at a big “church growth” conference or quoted as an authority on preaching. He was, however, a faithful man of God who loved God, loved people, and was true to his calling.

I’m actually looking forward to the service in a way. It will be a celebration of a live well lived and a glorious entrance into heaven. There will be a number of people present whose lives were impacted by the deceased. I expect more than a few admirers and perhaps even some who were not his fans. No doubt, his faithful, compassionate, and often Christlike ministry will be remembered fondly. So, too, will his godly character.

He’s not the only one of his kind. In hundreds of churches, in rural communities and sprawling cities, there are men just like him who serve God and their flocks with dignity and grace. They live exemplary (not perfect) lives, often serving in hard places for low wages. You won’t hear about them on the news. Their congregations are too small for the media to notice and their conduct is too righteous to create a scandal. Their only recognition comes from their small flock and the God who sees all.

One day, these faithful men of God will step into glory and another man, nameless and faceless to this world, will step up to take their place. Friends and family will mourn the passing of these men. Few others will pay any attention.
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The upcoming D6 Conference in Dallas (Sept. 23-25) has topped 1400 registrants. (For more info on the conference, click here. The message of D6 (Deuteronomy 6) that parents are to be the primary disciplers of their children has struck a chord with people around the US and even beyond.

Personally, I’m looking forward to joining the crowd to be part of this historic conference as leaders in family ministry from around the country come together to talk about how to reach the next generation for Christ. The future of the church in North America, indeed the future of Christianity in the USA depends on Christian parents making the task of passing the torch of faith to their kids a top priority.

As a parent whose kids are grown, married, and giving us grandchildren, I can tell you from experience the years of childhood fly by all too quickly. When you are in the trenches of parenthood time sometimes seems to be moving incredibly slowly. But all too soon, they are grown and gone.

Frankly, in the years when my children were growing up, I made some personal and professional sacrifices in order to be a part of their lives. My wife, Dianna, did likewise. We have said to each other many times since that we don’t regret a minute of it. Parenting is an investment that pays dividends for a lifetime.

One of my greatest joys today is to see our children raising their children to love God and serve Him and others. I hope the D6 Conference sparks the same fire in the lives of parents and church leaders. If it does, it will be worth all the work being put into it.

I haven’t blogged for a couple of weeks but I am still alive. It has been a crazy couple of weeks, trying to make up lost ground at work. There is, however, light at the end of the tunnel.

One of the bright spots of late has been this video. As a certified baseball fan (and girls softball is pretty close to the real thing), I was encouraged by this story. It makes me wonder if a team of guys would’ve done the same. I’m confident that I know some guys who would. Enjoy!

Not long ago I read an article titled “Where Are the Grown-ups?” by John Stonestreet. The article chronicles the American infatuation with adolescence. Stonestreet notes that not only has adolescence (a period of life that didn’t even exist until post-WWII) gotten longer (some say it begins with puberty at about 10 or 11 and extends to age 30) it has become “the goal of our culture.”

Stonestreet elaborates, “Somewhere along the way, we ceased to be a culture where kids aspire to the adults and became a culture where adults aspire to be kids.” He lists six marks of an adolescent culture, or a culture where adolescence has become the dominant mindset. See if they sound familiar.

1. Demand for immediate gratification.
2. Absence of long-term thinking about life and the world.
3. Motivated by feeling rather than truth.
4. Wanting grown-up things without growing up.
5. Expecting bailouts rather than accepting consequences.
6. Focusing on appearance rather than depth.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds a lot like what I see in American society today. It’s a good article and one worth reading and discussing with friends and family. Check it out here.

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. Like a lot of people, I don’t like going to the dentist. In fact, when I told people I had a dentist appointment, most said, “I’m sorry,” like someone had died. Yesterday, however, a positive dental visit. I was there to begin work on a crown to replace a large, old filling. Things went unusually well, mostly because the dentist and his assistant went out of their way to communicate throughout the visit.

This morning I realized the things that made this visit a good one are ingredients that make good leaders a pleasure to follow. Let me summarize.

1. Tell/Show me why. Yesterday’s visit began with pictures, a full color, up close picture of the tooth they were about to work on. They told and showed me why I needed the crown. When I was able to see with my own eyes how dangerously brittle the old filling was my trust in the dentist skyrocketed. I could readily see he wasn’t just doing unnecessary work. I think most people follow leaders who will tell them the truth and explain why they should go a particular direction. Leaders who simply say, “Trust me,” do not engender the trust they are seeking.

2. Tell me what. The dental assistant did a great job of explaining the process step-by-step. She told me exactly what was about to happen. That eased my concerns and answered some long-standing questions I had. Some leaders don’t let the people in on the process. I think that’s a mistake.

3. Tell me where we are in the process. After explaining what would be done, the assistant was careful to tell me where in the process we were along the way. That helped me to feel a sense of accomplishment regarding what had been done and anticipate the next move. It’s not enough for leaders to simply set a direction, they need to keep followers informed along the way.

4. Tell me when we’ll be done. The dental assistant was quick to tell me how long the procedure would take and it finished right on time. Of course, not everything in life is that precise, but leaders need to provide some kind of timetable, even if it has to be revised along the way. Interminable projects create intolerable circumstances.

5. Tell me where we’re headed next. After the procedure was complete, the dentist told me what other work needed to be done in the future and how the decisions regarding it would be made. That gave me confidence that he knew where he was going and how to get there. When leaders can provide the same information, followers will eagerly go along.

Of course, the key to making this work is for the leader to know the why, what, when, and how of the project and then communicate it effectively to their followers. Laying that kind of groundwork isn’t easy but it is a key to effective leadership.