Transitory Psychosis

Today, I can’t escape this sad thought: What have we done to our kids? My wife works at a local high school. Last year they had over 50 pregnant girls in the school. This week, she met a young friend of another student. The friend was very pregnant. My wife asked, “When is your baby due?” “November,” she replied. She’s 14.

It’s not that teen girls didn’t get pregnant in previous generations. But by all accounts, the numbers today are dramatic increases over those of the past. I can’t help asking, what have we (as a culture) done to our kids?

We’ve told them sex is a right that belongs to everyone, no matter the age or marital status. They believe us and they are paying the price in unwanted pregnancies and rampant STDs. It is a price that affects more than the individual. It affects us all.

We’ve told them love is a fleeting emotion that comes and goes with the surge of our hormones. They believe us and search for it in the arms of one, then another, then another, etc.

What has motivated the lies we’ve propagated? In most cases, money. Sex sells. Sales turn a profit. Children suffer, but that’s collateral damage and we aren’t responsible. So while the cash registers ring, the societal price cost goes up.

The sad truth is that we’re only beginning to see the damage. This is a debt we are going to be paying on longer than we can imagine, even if we were to stop the lies tomorrow. But we’re not stopping. We’re just turning up the volume. Maybe that’s good. It drowns out the tears of our children.

I read an article last night from the New York Times about middle school kids “coming out” as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Not surprisingly, several cited in the article are confused about their sexual identity and are experimenting with both homosexual and heterosexual relationships. These are 11 and 12-year-olds, most of whom have not actually engaged in sexual relations of any kind. Yet, they are identifying as gay, lesbian, or bi.

Then, this morning I saw photos and commentary from European fashion shows. No, I’m not interested in fashion in the least. I am interested in how the fashion industry influences our culture’s view of beauty and body image. As I expected, the photos revealed anorexic-looking models serving as walking hangers for the designers’ latest creations. Not only were there no models of average build, there were none that even appeared to be healthy. Put them in a third world country and we’d be sending money and food to them to alleviate the famine.

All this reminds me of how difficult it is to be a young person today. Having thrown the door open to any expression of sexual activity, our society has made an often confusing time of life into a nightmare: Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I bi? How do I know? How do I deal? The reality is that pre-pubescent young people have always experienced the tension of moving from “girls/boys have cooties” to first “romance.” It is normal and natural to feel more comfortable around your same-sex friends while being drawn to more than merely tolerating the opposite sex. The problem is that we have now thrown into the mix a decision that is both unnecessary and unnatural.

At the same time, the barrage of images that define the “perfect” body comes at young people from every direction. The celebrated bodies are always far from the norm or average appearance, setting the standard of “beauty” at a level that is out of reach for all but a genetically privileged few. As a result, some young people are trying ridiculous methods of creating such a body (anorexia, steroids, etc.) or are merely sinking into depression at their inability to measure up.

These are just two issues that make being a pre-teen or teenager more difficult today than it was when I was a kid (and it was no walk in the park even then). It also makes the role of parents even more critical. We must do the hard work of courageously, firmly, and lovingly refusing to allow a corrupted culture to tell our children that wrong is right. That is not accomplished by isolation (although some restrictions on “entertainment” are appropriate), but rather by insulation–providing our kids with a protective coating of parental love, the opportunity for a real relationship with Jesus Christ, and the timeless wisdom of the Word of God. That is, in fact, what we refer to as D6 (Deuteronomy 6) parenting.

Not long ago I read an article titled “Where Are the Grown-ups?” by John Stonestreet. The article chronicles the American infatuation with adolescence. Stonestreet notes that not only has adolescence (a period of life that didn’t even exist until post-WWII) gotten longer (some say it begins with puberty at about 10 or 11 and extends to age 30) it has become “the goal of our culture.”

Stonestreet elaborates, “Somewhere along the way, we ceased to be a culture where kids aspire to the adults and became a culture where adults aspire to be kids.” He lists six marks of an adolescent culture, or a culture where adolescence has become the dominant mindset. See if they sound familiar.

1. Demand for immediate gratification.
2. Absence of long-term thinking about life and the world.
3. Motivated by feeling rather than truth.
4. Wanting grown-up things without growing up.
5. Expecting bailouts rather than accepting consequences.
6. Focusing on appearance rather than depth.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds a lot like what I see in American society today. It’s a good article and one worth reading and discussing with friends and family. Check it out here.

Working with today’s teens and young adults can result in a bit of culture shock for anyone over 35 or so. Emerging generations view the world and the church quite differently than did their fathers and grandfathers.

Once in a while, I run across an individual or presentation that helps narrow that vaunted “generation gap.” The video below is just the latest. It’s a little long for this forum (just over 8 minutes), but if you work with, minister to, or parent a Gen Xer, it’s well worth your time. I’d love to hear your comments.

As usual, I have no control over any videos YouTube attaches to this, so use discretion in viewing an additional videos.

At what age should parents have the “sex talk” with their kids? Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of answers to that question. This week I’ve heard of one parent who has scheduled a date for “the talk” with their 13-year-old son. I’ve heard others say it should be no later than 14.

Let me preface my remarks by saying I do not profess to be an expert on this issue, nor do I claim to have done this perfectly with my own kids. However, I do have some experience in dealing with this issue as a parent, pastor, and informal counselor.

That said, if you are waiting for any age that ends with “teen” to talk to your kids about sex, you are too late. In fact, if you are waiting until the double-digit years to bring up the subject, you’re too late. In addition, if you think having the “sex talk” is both the beginning and the end of the discussion of this issue, you’re mistaken.
(more…)

The Pastor’s Weekly Briefing reported last week on a survey of 750 American teens conducted by the Junior Achievement consulting firm, Deloitte. Of interest to me was that only 3% of the teens surveyed said they see clergy (pastors, priests, rabbis, or imams) as role models. Instead, these teens see their friends (13%), teachers or coaches (6%), and siblings (5%) as their role models.

This is a good reminder of the distance between pastors and their parishioners–particularly the young. In looking for role models, these teens look to those with whom they feel a close connection. I’ve read other studies in which teens overwhelmingly identified their parents as the most admired people in their lives.
(more…)

I well remember the shock of discovering how many great basketball players there were in the world. I thought I was pretty good when I only played against my friends, at my school, or in my region. Even in those areas, there were guys better than me. But when I got outside the box of my little athletic world I was blown away! There were tens of thousands of players I couldn’t begin to compete with.

In this day of ultra-organized kid’s sports, it is tempting for parents to believe Junior will almost certainly win a full-ride college scholarship and even cash in on a big pro contract one day. I read an article by Walt Mueller (president of Center for Parent/Youth Understanding) in the Fall issue of CPYU’s journal, Engage, that speaks to this issue. (To read the entire article, click here.”
(more…)

If you watched the Academy Awards last Sunday night (2-22-09) you were “treated” to a bit of propaganda. Besides the usual display of material excess and moral regress, there was an unmistakable stamp of approval given to homosexuality—an exercise that has become an annual affair at the Oscars.

Sean Penn won the best actor award for his work in the movie “Milk,” the story of Harvey Milk, a San Francisco city supervisor, the nation’s first openly homosexual individual elected to public office. Milk was killed in 1978 by another supervisor.

Penn took the opportunity to lobby for “gay marriage” and express his disappointment over the California vote approving Proposition 8, defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman and effectively outlawing gay marriage. If voting Penn as best actor didn’t get the message across, the industry audience clearly expressed their agreement with Penn in their enthusiastic applause for his remarks and those of others in the same vein.

As usual, the truth about homosexuality was passed over in favor of the popular rhetoric of the gay lobby. With that in mind, I thought I would do my part to present the other side.

As with any issue of morality, those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ must first be concerned with God’s opinion about the issue. To ascertain His opinion, we look to the Bible, the written Word of God. In spite of the attempts of some to turn Scripture on its head regarding this issue, the biblical truth about homosexuality is pretty clear.

The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was a vivid expression of God’s wrath against this sin (Genesis 19:1-25). Later, the Law, given by God to Moses on Mt. Sinai, also took a very clear position. Homosexuality was forbidden. Leviticus 18:22 calls it an “abomination” and two chapters later it pronounces the sentence of death on those who commit it (20:13). Before Israel entered the Promised Land, Moses reiterated that homosexual practice was not to be found among God’s people (Deuteronomy 23:17). Later, godly leaders took strong action against it, with God’s approval (1 Kings 15:11-12; 2 Kings 23:7).

In the New Testament, the argument against homosexuality grows even stronger. While so-called “gay Christians” have often been quick to claim Jesus did not condemn homosexuality, He did indirectly do so. In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus confirmed heterosexuality as God’s design from the beginning of creation. (See also Genesis 1:27; 2:24.) Jesus also listed extramarital sex among the sins that defile a man (Matthew 15:19-20) and acknowledged God’s judgment upon Sodom and Gomorrah (Luke 17:28-29).

The apostle Paul gave us the definitive argument against homosexuality in Romans 1:18-32. The apostle presented homosexuality as the product of a reprobate mind (a mind devoid of God). He presents it as a form of idolatry that exalts the creature over the Creator, dishonors the body, and is contrary to nature. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, the Bible clearly places those who practice homosexuality among those who will not inherit the kingdom of God.

To sum it up, the Bible labels homosexuality as sin, an affront to the holy God. Christians must hold to this truth without compromise and we must oppose attempts to further the gay agenda by voting for things like Proposition 8 and supporting other legislation that affirms heterosexual marriage and forbids any other types.

It’s also important, however, that we contend for the truth about sexuality and marriage in a way that both honors God, furthers the gospel, and opens the door to true repentance and salvation in Christ—even for those once trapped in the homosexual lifestyle. That’s what I’ll focus on tomorrow.

Two items have caught my attention in the past couple of days. The first was a statistic from the Gardasil website (www.gardasil.com). As you will probably remember, Gardasil is the new drug said to protect against four types of human papillomavirus (HPV). Two of these types of HPV reportedly cause 70% of cervical cancer and two more types cause 90% of genital warts. All are spread by sexual contact.

The stat that caught my attention is that claim that 80% of women will have had HPV by the time they’re 50.* (For the record, this statistic includes more than 30 genital HPV types, not just the four Gardasil is said to protect against.) For most women the virus will clear on its own, but when it doesn’t, cervical cancer can develop. Because of these stats, the manufacturers are recommending that all girls be given Gardasil as a protective measure.
(more…)

Sex is the unspoken word in many homes and churches. Maybe it’s because the subject makes us uncomfortable, or perhaps we don’t talk about it because we’re afraid we’ll stir up inappropriate feelings or activities. Some Christians I’ve met would just as soon the topic never be addressed in their presence. Whatever the reason, I say it’s time we get over it.

In a sense, sex is like the sun–it is. You can close the doors and pull the blinds, but it is still there. Even when you don’t see it, the sun is still there and still shining. In the same way, trying to hide your eyes from sex doesn’t stop it from being. The truth is that sex is part of the human experience. That’s why we simply have to talk about it.
(more…)