Transitory Psychosis

I happened across a brief excerpt from musician John Mayer’s recent interview with Playboy magazine. (No, I didn’t see it in the magazine or get it from Playboy. I followed a link from a Christian ministry to get to it.) If you haven’t noticed, Mayer has dated and bragged about bedding some of the leading ladies of pop culture (actresses, singers, etc.) all of whom are very attractive. Oddly enough, none of these relationships has lasted.

WARNING: I’M GOING TO GET A LITTLE FRANK FROM HERE ON OUT, BUT THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID. I’LL BE AS DISCREET AS POSSIBLE.

In the interview, Mayer confesses to a fondness for porn. He states that with the magic of modern communication, he sometimes sees 300 pictures of naked women before he gets out of bed. He also acknowledges that he may be his own best lover.

Mayer recognizes that easy access to pornography has profoundly impacted his generation. He even admits that when he is with a real live woman, he replays his mental library of pornographic images. His conclusion seems to be that his fantasy world is better than any real world experience.

I couldn’t help but be saddened by it all. What Mayer describes is the inevitable destination to which pornography leads. Young men sometimes see porn as an enhancement to their sex lives. In reality, it is an insatiable leech. A little soon grows into a lot. It distorts the mind’s eye, turning every woman into little more than an object of momentary pleasure or disgust. Real women are measured by how they compare to the fantasy women on the page, screen, or in the mind.

It’s not something that can be easily turned off either; even when a man wants to do what is right. As many young men have discovered, marriage does not cure an addiction to pornography. And as many women can testify, no living breathing woman can measure up to the fantasy world of porn. Even after the addiction is broken, its shards work their way to the surface from time to time, bloodying relationships with fresh wounds.

The truth is, guys, if you walk this road it will take you where you don’t want to be. Porn promises to give you all, it just doesn’t tell you how bitter that all can be.

Beware, my young brothers! Proverbs 5 advises men to stay far away from the immoral woman and go nowhere near her house (verse 8). That advice rings true, even if she lives in a magazine, DVD, or website.

I ran across a sports story yesterday that left me scratching my head. Here’s an excerpt:

Gordano were first to cross the whitewash, with wing Jack Thomas scoring out wide. The home side replied with an unconverted try, but the Sharks responded with a dominant period, with the superb Ben Harvey taking the ball to within yards of the line, No 9 Gavlar Yandell [no relation, by the way] eventually going over.



Playing down the slope, Gordano’s seven-man pack led by skipper Matt Rollings, still had the upper hand, with Harvey and flanker Mike Yandell [again, no relation] prominent.



With confidence high, the Sharks turned down a kick at goal, opting to use their powerful backs to run the ball. This paid dividends, with fly-half Aaron French crashing over.



Soon after Gordano were punished for overcomplicating a move in midfield. A loose pass was collected by the home side, and fluid passing saw the wing score in the corner.

Now, I’m a lifelong sports fan. But reading this story left me confused. What is the world is the “whitewash” and a “sin-bin.” What does a “fly-half” do and how do you “overcomplicate a move in midfield”? A rugby fan could answer all of those questions and move, but I am woefully ignorant of the sport of rugby. The terminology, descriptions, and jargon leave me with more questions than answers.

Near the article’s end, a realization hit me. This is exactly how the unchurched feel when they are confronted with the in-house jargon of Christianity. So often, we are speaking a language they don’t understand.

The further our culture moves away from its historical Christian consensus the more imperative it is that we define and refine our terminology so this marvelous message we bear can be accurately understood.

In truth, it’s hard work to “translate” the gospel into the language of our times. It is much easier to just speak to those who are already on the “inside.” And, in fact, a few (very few) will actually dig in to learn “our” language. But most will do what I’m doing with the rugby story. Smile, shrug my shoulders, and go back to what is familiar. We simply can’t be content to let that happen.

Danny Conn forwarded me a story about a South Korean couple that has been charged in the death of their three-month-old daughter. Quoting from the story:

The baby was found dead last September 24 and an autopsy showed her death was caused by a long period of malnutrition.

“They indulged themselves in the online game of raising a virtual character so as to escape from reality, which led to the death of their real baby.

Incredible story, don’t you think? But it prompted a thought. Isn’t something similar occurring when parents immerse themselves in things such as work, leisure, media, or pleasure to the neglect of parenting, marriage-building, and their relationship with God? I’m not saying those things are wrong, each one has a place in our lives; but when things are allowed to overshadow our God-given priorities it results in long-term repercussions.

It all dovetails with my recent concerns that we are, as one author said, “amusing ourselves to death” as a culture. We find a million things to do to “escape” from those things we should be doing. Too often it results in neglecting life’s most important relationships.

Time invested in building your relationship with God, your spouse, and your children pays dividends for generations to come. It’s worth the effort!

I had an interesting experience at Walmart a couple of weeks ago. My wife and I stopped by there in a hurry on the way to work, a little after 6 a.m. I had something in my right eye that I couldn’t get out. We went there to find some type of eyewash in hopes of getting some relief.

After finding what we needed, we rushed to the checkout line. There was only one woman in front of us, with what appeared to be a week’s worth of groceries. I noted the cashier was obviously Muslim, complete with traditional head covering. Her accent indicated she was not a native English speaker, probably an immigrant. She was also s-l-o-w.

My impatience was growing as I scanned for another open register. The only other one open had a line much longer. So we waited. Finally, the groceries were almost all scanned and bagged. Then the cashier pointed to the remaining items and said, “I can’t touch that.” On the counter were two pounds of bacon, a tube of sausage, and a frozen sausage pizza. It dawned on me what was going on: As a Muslim she could not handle the pork.

Everyone’s frustration level was rising. My wife suggested the cashier let her scan it. She declined and went to ask another employee for help. He was not sympathetic and suggested she let the customer scan the items. Sheepishly, the cashier returned and handed the scanner to the customer. She scanned the pork and my wife helped her bag it before leaving. We paid for our items and left.

Questions filled the air as we left: Why would the manager station a woman who can’t handle pork at the register? How can she work at a place that sells pork and be faithful to her beliefs? Why didn’t she just let the customer scan the items to begin with? Doesn’t she know this is America? Why is she here if she won’t conform to our social norms?

In the midst of our frustration it hit me. While I still can’t understand the manager’s decision to put her at the register, I think I know why she is here. She needs to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ. God brought her here to meet His followers who can introduce her to the Truth.

Sadly, all she saw in me was my frustration at being late for work. I hope her next encounter with a Christ-follower is more redemptive.

In the meantime, I’ve been reminded of a lesson I thought I had already learned: Wherever I am, whatever the circumstance, I am an ambassador of Jesus Christ. That matters far more than getting to work on time.

I read with interest an article regarding a Stanford University study on multitasking. (Read it here.) Like most people in my age bracket, I was taught early on to do one thing and complete it before moving on to the next. With the absence of cell phones, the Internet, Facebook, and a lot of other modern information streams that wasn’t too difficult–provided I had the self-discipline to turn off the radio and TV.

Fast forward a few years to the contemporary world. Today we are inundated with non-stop streams of information coming at us from all sides. The old saw about men and television is that men don’t want to know what is on TV, they want to know what else is on TV. In other words, men don’t just sit and watch one thing. They constantly click the remote to other channels (or games) to see if they are missing something that might be better. Of course, I’ve learned that men aren’t the only ones affected by that virus. Women do it too.

The problem is that as information streams multiply, the remote virus seems to spread. We seem to feel an irresistible urge to mentally “change the channel” every so often. We seem to feel a need to know what is going on in the world (Internet), in the lives of our friends (Facebook), and even in the lives of people we haven’t seen in years or wouldn’t pick up the phone to call. In fact, there is even an urge to know what is going on in the lives of people we’ve never even met (Twitter).
(more…)

Today, I can’t escape this sad thought: What have we done to our kids? My wife works at a local high school. Last year they had over 50 pregnant girls in the school. This week, she met a young friend of another student. The friend was very pregnant. My wife asked, “When is your baby due?” “November,” she replied. She’s 14.

It’s not that teen girls didn’t get pregnant in previous generations. But by all accounts, the numbers today are dramatic increases over those of the past. I can’t help asking, what have we (as a culture) done to our kids?

We’ve told them sex is a right that belongs to everyone, no matter the age or marital status. They believe us and they are paying the price in unwanted pregnancies and rampant STDs. It is a price that affects more than the individual. It affects us all.

We’ve told them love is a fleeting emotion that comes and goes with the surge of our hormones. They believe us and search for it in the arms of one, then another, then another, etc.

What has motivated the lies we’ve propagated? In most cases, money. Sex sells. Sales turn a profit. Children suffer, but that’s collateral damage and we aren’t responsible. So while the cash registers ring, the societal price cost goes up.

The sad truth is that we’re only beginning to see the damage. This is a debt we are going to be paying on longer than we can imagine, even if we were to stop the lies tomorrow. But we’re not stopping. We’re just turning up the volume. Maybe that’s good. It drowns out the tears of our children.

I read an article last night from the New York Times about middle school kids “coming out” as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Not surprisingly, several cited in the article are confused about their sexual identity and are experimenting with both homosexual and heterosexual relationships. These are 11 and 12-year-olds, most of whom have not actually engaged in sexual relations of any kind. Yet, they are identifying as gay, lesbian, or bi.

Then, this morning I saw photos and commentary from European fashion shows. No, I’m not interested in fashion in the least. I am interested in how the fashion industry influences our culture’s view of beauty and body image. As I expected, the photos revealed anorexic-looking models serving as walking hangers for the designers’ latest creations. Not only were there no models of average build, there were none that even appeared to be healthy. Put them in a third world country and we’d be sending money and food to them to alleviate the famine.

All this reminds me of how difficult it is to be a young person today. Having thrown the door open to any expression of sexual activity, our society has made an often confusing time of life into a nightmare: Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I bi? How do I know? How do I deal? The reality is that pre-pubescent young people have always experienced the tension of moving from “girls/boys have cooties” to first “romance.” It is normal and natural to feel more comfortable around your same-sex friends while being drawn to more than merely tolerating the opposite sex. The problem is that we have now thrown into the mix a decision that is both unnecessary and unnatural.

At the same time, the barrage of images that define the “perfect” body comes at young people from every direction. The celebrated bodies are always far from the norm or average appearance, setting the standard of “beauty” at a level that is out of reach for all but a genetically privileged few. As a result, some young people are trying ridiculous methods of creating such a body (anorexia, steroids, etc.) or are merely sinking into depression at their inability to measure up.

These are just two issues that make being a pre-teen or teenager more difficult today than it was when I was a kid (and it was no walk in the park even then). It also makes the role of parents even more critical. We must do the hard work of courageously, firmly, and lovingly refusing to allow a corrupted culture to tell our children that wrong is right. That is not accomplished by isolation (although some restrictions on “entertainment” are appropriate), but rather by insulation–providing our kids with a protective coating of parental love, the opportunity for a real relationship with Jesus Christ, and the timeless wisdom of the Word of God. That is, in fact, what we refer to as D6 (Deuteronomy 6) parenting.

Not long ago I read an article titled “Where Are the Grown-ups?” by John Stonestreet. The article chronicles the American infatuation with adolescence. Stonestreet notes that not only has adolescence (a period of life that didn’t even exist until post-WWII) gotten longer (some say it begins with puberty at about 10 or 11 and extends to age 30) it has become “the goal of our culture.”

Stonestreet elaborates, “Somewhere along the way, we ceased to be a culture where kids aspire to the adults and became a culture where adults aspire to be kids.” He lists six marks of an adolescent culture, or a culture where adolescence has become the dominant mindset. See if they sound familiar.

1. Demand for immediate gratification.
2. Absence of long-term thinking about life and the world.
3. Motivated by feeling rather than truth.
4. Wanting grown-up things without growing up.
5. Expecting bailouts rather than accepting consequences.
6. Focusing on appearance rather than depth.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds a lot like what I see in American society today. It’s a good article and one worth reading and discussing with friends and family. Check it out here.

I love most dogs. Chihuahua’s, not so much. I can even tolerate you having a cat. (Just don’t bring him in my yard or house.) I’ve even been known to take a pooch on a trip a time or two, usually because I couldn’t afford to board it. But would I buy Lola a ticket on her own plane? No.

I read today, however, about Pet Airways–a company that is betting its business on the fact that many people will do exactly that. Pet Airways is an airline designed just for pets. (Visit their website here.) No more flying in a crate in the cargo hold, these pets fly in the cabin under the watchful eye of a pet attendant who checks them every 15 minutes during the flight. While you fly your own commercial airline, your pet flies its own airline to the same destination.

It works like this: You take “Spunky” to the airport and drop him off at their Pet Lounge at least 2 hours before take off. Less than two hours before his flight leaves, Spunky gets a potty break. At the specified time, he boards his plane (in a pet carrier provided by the airline, of course) and is secured in the well-ventilated, comfort-controlled cabin. During the flight, the Pet Attendant diligently ensures Spunky’s comfort. At your final destination, Spunky gets another potty break and you pick him up at the Pet Lounge knowing he has traveled in safety and comfort. If you can’t pick him up that day, they will even board him overnight at the PAWS Lounge.
(more…)

This weekend I read an article from the June/July issue of The Atlantic magazine. The article, “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off,” was written by Sandra Tsing Loh (read it here). The teaser reads, “The author is ending her marriage. Isn’t it time you did the same?”

Forty-seven-year-old Loh chronicles the demise of her 20-year marriage, apparently prompted by her extramarital affair. Early on, she asks, “Why do we still insist on marriage? Sure, it made sense to agrarian families before 1900, when to farm the land, one needed two spouses, grandparents, and a raft of children. But now that we have white-collar work and washing machines, and our life expectancy has shot from 47 to 77, isn’t the idea of lifelong marriage obsolete?”
(more…)