Archive for the ‘Friday Fun’ Category

False Positives

December 4, 2009 - 8:17 am No Comments

Sold Out SignAn article in the New York Times the other day got me thinking. This time of year is wonderful and frustrating–characteristics that seem true of life in general. So with the help of a few sources, I’m making a list of some of the frustrating messages I see and hear, especially this time of year. See if any of them sound familiar.

To be continued
Sold out
No longer available
Not at this address
Your email was undeliverable
Can’t take your call, leave me a message
Not in service
Register closed
This may sting/hurt a little
Your call is important to us
Can you hold?
Invalid user name/password
Assembly required
Batteries not included
Try again later
Prices subject to change
Would you like his voice mail?
Word has quit unexpectedly

Can you think of others? Probably so. The good news, of course, is that you’ll never get such messages from God. His line is never busy, he always recognizes you, and is never out of what you need. A comforting thought amid the holiday hustle and bustle.

Friday Fun!

March 27, 2009 - 2:51 pm No Comments

It’s been awhile since I shared some Friday Fun, so here it is–the most original flight safety instructions I’ve heard. I’d like this guy to be on my flight to California in a few weeks. Have a great weekend!

The Ultimate Disclaimer

January 23, 2009 - 1:34 pm 2 Comments

It’s come to my attention that this blog needs a comprehensive disclaimer, lest I be exposed to legal liability. Frankly, such exposure makes me nervous. So, with thanks to Mikey’s Funnies, here is the disclaimer.

This posting does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or the cat I will never have; don’t quote me on that; don’t quote me on anything; this conversation is off the record; all rights reserved; this document is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this posting and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include the article or parts of it in commercial publications, or as part of any fee-based services or products; further redistribution‚s only allowed unedited and in its entirety by electronic transfer (anonymous FTP, Gopher, WWW and mail servers), storage media, and printed copy as long as this notice is included and no monetary fee is charged; subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; offer void where prohibited; is provided “as is” without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our trade-in plan; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; posts were packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; sanitized and sealed for your protection; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue use; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; smoking these may be hazardous to your health; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the contents, no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a someone who cares; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; offer is valid only at participating Internet sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; please remain seated until the we have come to a complete stop; objects in the mirror may be larger than they appear; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

I feel better already. Have a great weekend!

Friday Lite–Procrastination

January 16, 2009 - 3:20 pm 2 Comments

In honor of the fact that I have put off posting to this blog all week, it seems appropriate to share one of my favorite poems. (That number is few, believe me.)

First Things First

I’ve gone for a drink and sharpened my pencils
Searched through my desk for forgotten utensils
Reset my watch and adjusted my chair
Loosened my tie and straightened my hair
Hummed the old theme song of “Welcome Back, Kotter”
Gone for another drink of water
Adjusted the calendar, raised the blinds
Sorted erasers of different kinds
Now, down to work I can finally sit
Oops, too late, it’s time to quit!

Sound like your week? Have a good weekend anyway!

Amazing!

November 21, 2008 - 9:57 am No Comments

It’s Friday! Woohoo! In honor of my favorite day of the week, here’s something curious and quirky. Be warned, it might make you want to dig out that old set of dominoes and give it a try. I intend to. If you try it, let me know how it works out. In the meantime, have a great weekend and come back next week for something a little more substantial . . . I hope.

Overweight Is Not So Bad After All

September 26, 2008 - 9:16 am No Comments

We’ve all heard about the dangers of being overweight. However, a new report suggests that it is not as harmful as is 
commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits.

According to the report, b
eing five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from 
ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer’s disease. Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to 
recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and 
various injuries and infections, states the report. 

Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, 
pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. An extra 50 pounds on 
the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common 
cold, and reduce global warming.



In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more 
successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.
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D6 Conference Goes Viral!

August 22, 2008 - 9:45 am No Comments

Previously, I blogged about the biggest event in Randall House history—the D6 Conference. The long-awaited date and location have been announced: September 23-25, 2009 in Dallas, TX (Frisco Conference Center). The buzz in growing and the conference preview video is now available on YouTube. But don’t go hunting it, just watch it below!

Friday Inspiration

April 25, 2008 - 7:11 am No Comments

I like to keep it light on Fridays, but today is a little heavier than some. I watched this video on GodTube this morning and found it inspiring . . . of course, I like football.:) The football footage is not of the highest quality, but the brief message is great. It doesn’t hurt that the guy giving the message is the father of the player who made the amazing play. Enjoy! And have a great weekend.


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Happy Friday!

March 28, 2008 - 2:02 pm No Comments

It’s been a crazy week! I’ve been at a conference for the best part of the last two days, so I thought I’d just share a happy video. If this little girl doesn’t make you smile, you are in real bad need of a weekend. Enjoy!

Frequent Flier Fun

March 3, 2008 - 1:47 pm No Comments

It’s Monday and I’m tired. Nothing profound coming out of these fingers today. Instead, let me share a little belated Friday Fun.

I’m not a real frequent flier but I do manage to board a plane a few times a year, for work or pleasure. Because of that, I can relate to the following from today’s edition of Mikey’s Funnies. Maybe you can too. Don’t blame Mikey for the last five, they are all mine.
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