Transitory Psychosis

I’ve been on vacation at Grand Lake (in Oklahoma) with my wife’s side of the family and our daughter, son-in-law, and two of our grandsons this week. Andrew is 3 and loves to ride on the golf cart we use to get around the resort. One day, he and I were driving the golf cart to his Great Grandma’s house when a squirrel hopped out of a tree and into the road in front of us. Instead of dashing on across the road, he stopped.

As we drew closer, I slowed a bit and then playfully said, “Get out of the way you little dummy!” As the squirrel bounded away, Andrew repeated, “Get out of the way, little dummy!” When the incident was relayed to other family members, Papa was chastised for teaching Andrew a bad habit.

Later, my wife (Andrew’s “Granny”) was driving the cart with Andrew aboard when a squirrel bounded out on the road. “Look at that squirrel, Drew,” she said. He replied, “That’s not a squirrel, it’s a little dummy–Papa said!” For the rest of the week, Drew has referred to the squirrels as “little dummies.” And he’s always suggesting we look for them as we drive the cart!

Once again, Papa has relearned a lesson I learned many years ago when Drew’s Mommy and brother were little. Kids have listening ears and will repeat what they hear. Thankfully, identifying squirrels as “little dummies” is nothing terrible. I want to make sure what he hears me say is something I want him to repeat.

Have you ever read about some study conducted by a university somewhere that caused you to say, “Duh! I thought everybody knew that!” Me too.

It may sound anti-intellectual of me to say it, but why do we need a study to tell us what common sense already should have?

In recent months, I’ve read articles about studies answering such deep questions as whether listening to a iPod at full volume for hours on end will damage a person’s hearing? Duh! Or for those who are cases in point, DUH!

Or how about the expert quoted in a recent article who concluded that we don’t really know if there are any detrimental effects of children being exposed long-term to hard-core porn? The basis for his conclusion? We haven’t had enough studies yet.

I could go on, but you get the point. This is not rocket science people. We don’t need a well-funded study to come to some conclusions. Some basic logic will answer many questions.

So why do we have so many inane studies? One reason is someone is willing to pay for it. In some cases, that someone is you and me–Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer. In other cases, it is because having the study justifies someone’s job, thus enabling him or her to pay back the enormous loans taken out for an education that has no practical value. In some cases, the study is simply designed to further someone’s agenda.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all in favor of needed studies. But I’m also in favor of using a little not-so-common sense.

The title of this post is a piece of advice I’ve given to parents on more than one occasion. It’s not original with me, of course, but it has proven to be a good guide for communication of all types.

1. Say it well. I’m not talking about style but rather about being exact. A rule of thumb we’re trying to follow in editorial: If it can be misunderstood or misinterpreted it will be. Be sure you make clear what you mean and what you don’t mean.

2. What they hear is what you said. That’s not to say that people don’t misunderstand. It is to say that what they understood is what they will tell others you said. Be sure that what they hear is what you meant to say. Make it your business to be heard correctly.

3. Before you say it, be sure you mean it. Once said (or read) words cannot be recaptured. Even if you are successful in correcting yourself, the impression made by the original will never be completely forgotten. This is extremely important for parents. A stray word can stick for a lifetime.

4. If you say it, do it. Don’t make promises (or threats) you cannot or will not keep. If you say, “This is the last time . . .” then follow through.

Say what you mean; mean what you say. It’s good advice. Now, if I can just take it . . .

Every family argues. But does it matter how we do it? A study that has spanned three decades says yes. According to an article by Elizabeth Cooney (”A lingering cloud” - read it here), the Simmons Longitudinal Study has followed more than 300 kindergartners into adulthood with some interesting results.

The most recent results, published in March 2009 issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, indicate that “children exposed to their parents’ verbal battles or involved in family arguments, were more likely to be functioning poorly at age 30 than other people in the study who did not live in increasingly fight-filled homes. The children exposed to family fighting were two to three times more likely to be unemployed, suffer from major depression, or abuse alcohol or other drugs by age 30. They also were more likely to struggle in personal relationships, but that was evident to a lesser degree.”
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We’re in California this week for the birth of our granddaughter, Noelle Rose Yandell. (See pic.) This morning, we visited The Church at Rocky Peak, where my son and his family attend. It was a good service and I enjoyed the worship and message.

The service was more contemporary than our home church (which is a bit more contemporary than a lot of churches), but I am reminded of how very big the body of Christ (Christians everywhere) really is. Sometimes we get wrapped up in our little worlds and forget there are sincere believers all around the world who love the Lord just like we do.
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Working with today’s teens and young adults can result in a bit of culture shock for anyone over 35 or so. Emerging generations view the world and the church quite differently than did their fathers and grandfathers.

Once in a while, I run across an individual or presentation that helps narrow that vaunted “generation gap.” The video below is just the latest. It’s a little long for this forum (just over 8 minutes), but if you work with, minister to, or parent a Gen Xer, it’s well worth your time. I’d love to hear your comments.

As usual, I have no control over any videos YouTube attaches to this, so use discretion in viewing an additional videos.

One reason some people deny the existence of God has to do with the presence of evil and suffering. The argument goes like this: How could there be a good and loving God when there is so much evil and suffering in our world?

That statement is usually followed by a rehearsing of all the heinous activities occurring in our world: war, cancer, child molestation, slavery, etc. If God really exists, they say, why doesn’t He do something about all of this?
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What would you do “if . . .”? Lately, I find myself using the “if” word more often than I would like to. Seems as though there is always something I would do if I just had more time, money, energy, strength, talent, education, etc. Can you relate?

I’ve got several writing projects on the back burner. I keep thinking that if I had more time I would . . .

I’ve got several purchases I need to make (and a few I just want). I keep thinking that if I had more money I would . . .

There are a number of things that need to be done around our house (aren’t there always?). If I just had more energy and strength I would . . .

Then there are the dreams I would like to fulfill. But to do them I need more talent and education . . .
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